terrapinsanity.com

People concerned about tracking the carbon emissions of hefty heifers would surely be appalled once they realize the true global impact from extended exhalations of even one long-winded full professor teaching a CORE humanities course. Bred and trained to fill any available resources with lecture, these faculty wreak previously untold carnage on the planet.

There is hope. While bovine emissions mentioned in the above-linked WSJ article will remain a reality (so far we haven’t found alternate sources of milk), similar emissions from faculty might soon be curtailed, since the CORE program is presently being revised. Just like advanced computations let us rate impact of agricultural systems, so might engineering advances let us track how much venting is required per unit of CORE educational content delivered to a student. And by knowning how to measure it, we can optimize. All eyes turn to the Provost to see whether he will require his CORE committee to measure and minimize the carbon impact of any new curriculum.

It seems likely he will. After all … he’s used every other metric that emits numbers for evaluating campus programs.

Students can clearly help in this effort. We learn today that San Francisco International Airport is the first to place kiosks in its lobby so passengers can buy carbon offsets to balance out the global impact of their ensuing flight. Perhaps we can place kiosks in the main classroom buildings so students can offset the effects of bloviation in the ensuing classes.